PROXY PARENTS

I enter the elevator of my building. I am joined by a 3 yr old toddler who stays in my building carried by his babysitter-cum-maid-cum-cook-cum-god-knows-wat-else. The kiddo playfully takes a jab at all the buttons on the panel. The maid goes “ hey harami, aisa math kar”…The kid giggles and goes “tu harami, tu harami”. I am ready to faint.

The kid belongs to a set of high profile banker parents. I mean they gave birth to him, but he is being raised by a team of hired-helps. I call them proxy parents. Proxy parents!!...Ever heard of them?? They are a fast growing breed in urban india. A breed of career-high parents. They are impatient and want everything tailor-made for them. They want convenience at the drop of a hat. They want children, coz they can show them off like trophies. They have all that money can buy for their kids, but they lack that one thing that their child needs. Its probably the only thing it needs of them. Their undivided time and attention. Too much to ask huh!! Like we know, a child cannot grow up on its own. It needs to be taken care of and guided through each day with utmost care and attention. But the proxy parents cannot be expected to do such meaningless duties now, can they?? They have more important things to cater to, more satisfying tasks to perform in the boardrooms. Some women are so desperate to get back to their jobs after giving birth that they just hire any tom, dick n harry off the streets for their kids. The kid who is at an impressionable age slowly imbibes the characteristics of his babysitter who more-often-than-not comes from the nearby slums. The outcome is what I narrated above.I personally know so many women who leave house for meager jobs just to escape the domestic life and they don’t even need the money. What I fail to understand is why have kids???....why bring them to this world if they don’t even figure in your immediate priorities.

Easy for me to say. I have never had a career, so how will I know what it feels like to take a heavy paycheck home at the end of month. I may never know that, but what I do know is the feeling of catching your bundle of joy’s first smile, how amazing it feels to be smiled upon, how it melts your heart to watch them smile in their sleep, how reassuring it feels when they reach out to you whilst taking that first step, how their gurgle of laughter and shrieks of happiness are music to your ears. Trust me, a heavy paycheck is a small price to pay for these joys.

Do you remember how just being around your mother used to envelope you in a sense of security?? Wouldn’t you want that for your own child?? I totally understand how overwhelming it can be to all of sudden being in charge of another life. No amount of babysitting that you may have done or having a pet will ever prepare you for motherhood. It is more than a full time job. Like I always love to say….Motherhood is the highest paid full-time-job , coz its wages are pure love…:))
One should not have a child if one is not ready to fully fold them into one’s life. And if you have decided to have a child, then please know that, you need to prioritize your life right away. Ignoring your priorities don’t make them go away. The child obviously goes on top of the list and everything else needlessly takes a backseat. That’s how it should be. It is your child. You gave birth to it. You did not order it online from ebay. They are alive and they feel, even when they are inside your womb. They are amazing little people who just want to be loved and taken care of. In return they will fill your life with so much unconditional love that everything else will pale in comparison to their undying affection for you. Get to know your children before its too late, because they are not gonna keep loving you unconditionally forever. One day they will just stop. Be there for them when they need you, not when you have the time or when it is convenient for you. They are not going to be dependant on you forever. One day when you have all the time in the world and want to be with them, they would have left the nest. Hold on to your kids!!



P.S…working mothers please don’t throw stones at me. I completely understand that some mothers cant afford the luxury of sitting at home and raising their kids. They have to leave the house to keep the fire running in the house. I totally salute them for being so brave. I can only imagine the kind of grit and determination it takes to leave your children and go, everyday…day after day. Peace out!!